Introduction

It's tough being a narrator. I mean, first off if my grammar is wrong, I'll be told. What are the chances that everyone would just let me off the hook? There's always one guy. He's the guy that heckles the comic. He writes to the editor. He Youtubes a presidential speech because the most powerful man in the world says that Nelson Mandela is dead when he isn't. Okay, that last one's not too bad. But my point is that I have a lot of pressure to deal with. I mean I've got alliterations and analogies to worry about? What do you have to worry about?

You see, there is a point in every story where the narrator must get to the story part of the story. And while that part has not come, it's looming. But where we are now is a really great place to be. At this point I can say what ever I want and you're not going to question whether it fits into the story. I can say that it turns out that Jimmy was a woman and you're not going to say, "But you said he peed standing up!" Actually, I don't know you, so you may say that on a regular basis anyway. Don't worry, I won't judge.

And what have I done so far to keep you reading? Have you cried yet? Have you laughed? Or maybe you just have to write a book report for your English teacher (or if you're out of school, maybe you just like book reports a lot) and this was the prettiest colored one on the list. I wish you could send me a letter telling me what you want to read about, but for now I'm starting with a list of words: romance, comedy, suspense and a bunch of other ones I'm too lazy to talk about. I have a story in mind that just might fit all the criteria for such a legendary tale.

I will burst into the story like a construction worker bursts into a room that needs bursting into in just a second (it's random and there's nothing you can do about it), but first I just figured I would let you know how this is going down. Some stories the narrator just sits on the sidelines and tells what's going on. I have done this. I began to write a novel where I mostly let the characters propel the story. Guess what I found out: characters suck at a lot of stuff. Not to mention that most of them aren't real. I don't want to put that much responsibility on something that may or may not be real. Look what they did to Spiderman.

I found in my first book that I wanted to sneak in little tidbits (don't confuse those for Timbits) where the narrator talked directly to the reader and in the way I was weaving that little yarn, it simply didn't work. I sucked like a vacuum...as did that joke. So you know how in our new age, we have these discs with holes in them called ditigal video devices or something. Well they sometimes have a commentary. Imagine my little narrator bits as a commentary for what the stupid little characters are doing.

This time I don't want to be on the sidelines. I told the coach I'm ready and he's putting me in. Don't worry; I'll try not to screw things up...hopefully. I mean I hopefully won't screw up, not hopefully I'll TRY not to screw things up. I just knew someone would say something about that. Whatever.